Golf is one of the few sports where your beverage selection is almost as important as your club selection. In fact, by the back nine, your drink choice may explain far more about your score than your swing.
Here is a completely unscientific analysis of some of our favorite golf-course beverages and their impact on performance.
WATER
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The boring champion.
Water doesn’t improve your golf game—it simply allows your existing game to show up. No energy spikes. No crashes. No questionable decision-making on the 17th tee.
Golfers drinking water tend to say things like:
- “Play smart.”
- “Middle of the green.”
- “Take your medicine.”
These people are often annoyingly consistent and a wee bit boring.
Expected score impact: -2 strokes
Chance of losing a wedge: 0%
GATORADE
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
The athlete’s choice.
Gatorade gives off the “I came to compete” vibe. It replenishes electrolytes, but I’ve also learned the Gators Juice (ask Google if you don’t understand this reference) isn’t necessarily good for your kidneys, but we’ll save that discussion for another day.
The only downside? Drinking Gatorade while riding in a cart can make you feel like you’re preparing for the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl instead of a 5-hour round.
Expected score impact: -1 stroke
Likelihood of discussing protein intake: 87%
COFFEE
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
The morning rocket fuel. Sober Mickelson’s favorite go-to.
Coffee can sharpen focus, improve energy, and convince you that your pre-round range session has “found something.”
Unfortunately, there is a fine line between “locked in” and “putting with the hands of a hummingbird.”
One cup before your round: Good to go!
Three cups before the first tee can lead to:
- Sheer panic.
- Walking 18 holes at tour speed.
- A mid-round existential crisis after a three-putt.
Expected score impact: Anywhere from -3 to +3 strokes.
Likelihood you’ll start missing shorties: Mid-to-high
FRAPPUCCINO
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐☆☆☆
Part beverage, part dessert, part chemistry experiment.
A Frappuccino provides approximately 700 calories and enough sugar to power a small municipality.
Holes 1–6: You’re a sober and focused Tiger Woods.
Holes 7–12: You’re searching for snacks.
Holes 13–18: You’re considering a nap in the parking lot.
Expected score impact: Highly volatile.
Risk of sticky grips: Elevated.
TRULY/HIGH NOON/WHITE CLAW
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐☆☆☆
The official drink of “I’m not really drinking.”
After one Truly, everything feels relaxed.
After two Trulys, you begin explaining how your 14 handicap is “traveling.”
After three Trulys, every 20-footer has “good pace.”
After six Trulys, “I’ll just skip this hole.”
Expected score impact: +2 strokes.
Probability of saying, “We’re just out here having fun”: 100%.
COORS LIGHT
Performance Impact: ⭐⭐☆☆☆
The official silver bullet of most average to below-average golfers.
Cold, refreshing, and somehow perfectly paired with a snowman.
Coors Light golfers rarely get angry because they stopped keeping score around hole 11.
Surprisingly, it may actually improve performance for golfers who take the game too seriously.
Expected score impact: Neutral. Drink for the vibes, not to lower your handicap.
Impact on enjoyment: Elite.
BALLAST POINT SCULPIN IPA
Performance Impact: ⭐☆☆☆☆
At 7% ABV, Sculpin is less of a beverage and more of a strategic decision.
One Sculpin:
“I’m loose.”
Two Sculpins:
“Driver over the water? Let’s rip it.”
Three plus Sculpins:
“Who moved my golf ball?”
The hop-forward profile pairs beautifully with aggressive course management and double bogeys.
Expected score impact: +4 strokes.
Likelihood of buying everyone fish tacos afterward: Extremely high.
MARGARITA
Performance Impact: ⭐☆☆☆☆ (but ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ for group morale)
The margarita is a dangerous blend of tequila, citrus, optimism, and poor course management.
Unlike beer, a margarita doesn’t slowly influence your round—it arrives like a weather event. Especially when you ask for a heavy pour.
One margarita:
“I’m feeling loose.”
Two margaritas:
“I can absolutely cut this dogleg.”
Three margaritas:
“You can see Heaven if you stand on the cart.”
By the back nine, your scorecard resembles a phone number, but you’re also having the greatest day of your life.
Expected score impact: +5 strokes
Likelihood of ordering tacos immediately after the round: 100%
Probability of volunteering to organize next year’s member-guest: Alarmingly high.
DOUBLE JACK AND DIET
Performance Impact: ☠️
This isn’t hydration. This is a declaration.
The golfer ordering a double Jack and Diet Coke either shoots their best score ever or runs out of balls.
There is no middle ground.
Golf carts start inching closer to greens. Pitch marks rarely get fixed. And raking a bunker becomes a chore for the guy in the group behind you.
Expected score impact: Unmeasurable.
Probability of attempting a hero shot: 100%.
CANNABIS DRINK
Performance Impact: Quantum mechanics.
Results vary dramatically.
Some golfers report:
- Enhanced focus.
- Better tempo.
- Greater appreciation for nature.
Others spend six minutes watching geese cross the fairway and forget whether they’re playing the 8th or 9th hole.
On the positive side, no one in history has ever slammed a club while sipping a cannabis beverage.
Just don’t expect to find this as an option at 99.9% of courses. You would definitely be sneaking this drink into your bag.
Expected score impact: Schrödinger’s handicap.
Likelihood of complimenting cloud formations: Very high.
Final Takeways
Best for scoring: Water
Best for athletic recovery: Gatorade
Best for morning rounds: Coffee
Best dessert disguised as hydration: Frappuccino
Best for vibes: Coors Light
Best for questionable decisions: Sculpin IPA
Best for days when the thermostat crosses over the 100-degree mark: Margarita
Best for life choices made after age 40: Double Jack & Diet Coke
Most unpredictable/forgettable: Cannabis drink
As always, remember the first rule of golf hydration: no beverage has ever fixed an over-the-top swing, but some can make you care a whole lot less when fades turn in slices.
DISCLAIMER!!!
“The opinions expressed in this study have not been peer-reviewed, though they have been extensively field-tested at golf courses across America.”