At Balls & Bogeys, we love to share a good laugh. Golf can be stressful. Jokes, if told the right way, are not. Dirty jokes are even more fun to share.
For those typing away at work, don’t worry, the 10 golf jokes below don’t cross the NSFW line, mostly.
These are the only 10 golf jokes you’ll ever need to know:
- Be Careful What You Wish For: A golfer finishes his round and walks into the bar. He notices another golfer sitting at the counter with a tiny man playing piano on top of it. Surprised, he walks over and says, “Wow, that’s incredible! How do you have this little pianist playing all this amazing music?” The other golfer replies, “Well, I made a wish to a genie.” “That’s awesome! Where did you find this genie?” the golfer asks. The golfer points to a lamp in the corner and says, “It’s over there, if you want to give it a try.” Curious, the golfer walks over, rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie. “I’ll grant you one wish,” the genie announces. The golfer thinks for a moment and says, “I’ll take one million bucks.” The genie nods, waves his hand, and poof! The golfer stares in disbelief and says, “What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!” He walks back to the bar, shaking his head. “What’s wrong with that genie?” he mutters. The other golfer looks at him and says, “Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?
- The Drunk Golfer: A drunk golfer shanks one deep into the woods. He stumbles in, takes a leak on a tree, and hits a miracle shot onto the green. His buddy says, “You should play drunk more often.” He slurs, “I only drink to make my wife look like my caddie: quiet, behind me, and holding my balls.”
- The Caddy’s Advice
Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
Caddy: “Do you think you can keep your head down that long?” - A Swing and a Miss
Q: What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes “whack, damn!” and a bad skydiver goes “damn, whack!” - The Golf Divorce
Golfer: “My wife said it’s either golf or her.”
Buddy: “That’s rough! What are you going to do?”
Golfer: “Buy a new driver.” - The Honest Caddy
Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.” - The Dirty Handicap
Golfer: “I’m on a golf diet.”
Caddy: “Really? How’s that working?”
Golfer: “I’m cutting out all the bunkers and extra strokes… and I’ve never been so stiff!” - The Hole-in-One
Golfer: “I like my women like I like my golf shots—straight, hard, and when I’m lucky, a hole-in-one.” - The Honest Caddy
Golfer: “Man, I had a rough round today. Couldn’t find the hole all afternoon.”
Buddy: “Sound like your golf game and your love life have a lot in common.” - Golf vs. Sex Why is golf better than sex? Because if you’re caught cheating in golf, you just get disqualified, not divorced.